Contact – Marriage Matters with Jonie

LET’S CONNECT

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Let's have a conversation instead of a sales call.

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This is not a sales call. It’s not something you will be charged for. It’s a relaxed conversation. We will talk about what’s been happening in your marriage. You don’t need to prepare anything in advance. It’s okay if you’re a little unsure. I know how that can feel. I do all the work on the call, and you get to be however you need to be. I look forward to meeting you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my partner/spouse won’t come?

For some marriages, this is part of the pathway to positive change. If you think of relationship interactions like dancing together, when one person changes their dance steps, the other person takes notice. One person shifting how they show up can make a significant difference in the relationship. When people wait for their partner to be “on the same page” and to “do this together,” most of the time it doesn’t happen, and things continue to deteriorate. But when one person begins to change, even in small ways, we see positive progress. Wait for both people? Deterioration. Start with one person? Improvement.

What if we’ve already tried therapy or counseling?

Am I sensing correctly that you might be willing to try another approach? If so, then that is encouraging. It shows you are committed to a better marriage experience. There are some approaches to counseling/therapy/coaching for couples that are ineffective, even damaging. Good riddance to those. And thankfully, there are other approaches that are quite effective. My first steps with you would be to hear what you are seeking help with, so I can see whether my services or a referral would be most helpful.

What if things are really bad?

Bad is a relative term. Things like explosive fights and/or not talking to each other feel very bad, but they are not “bad” in the sense that they block our work of getting your marriage back. These are the types of things I work with all the time. However, if there are active or untreated addictions, psychiatric conditions, domestic abuse, physical violence, or active infidelity, then those items need to be addressed before we do couples work. If you are unsure, we can talk over the details to see what is happening.

What if I’m angry, but I don’t know why? I’m not sure what else to tell you.

This is such a valuable question. “I’m angry, and I don’t know why,” is all that is needed to start. I will take it from there. So many people believe that they need to come to see me with explanations or reasons for how they are feeling. Nope. You don’t. You are having emotional experiences. No explanation or justification needed. And anger is such a great place to start. It’s a valuable and helpful emotion to understand.

Is this just going to be a lot of talking?

Yes and no. We don’t talk in circles. We don’t waste time and energy on non-productive talking. We do intentional talking. For example, I help you talk to each other in ways that allow each person to feel valued, respected, and understood. We also do other things besides talking.

Do you take sides?

Yes, I do. That’s how we make progress. I am not a neutral person in our sessions; I am a truthful person. I compassionately and respectfully tell you the truth. It’s not my goal to keep everyone comfortable. It’s not my goal to be a pain in the neck either. It is my goal to challenge each client in ways that help them progress. I am completely “for” each of you. I don’t want the patterns that are damaging your marriage to keep ripping you apart.

How long does it take to see change?

Some people feel a bit of relief and hope soon after we begin; some see real improvements over a few months; and some changes will honestly take two to five years to fully become a natural part of you. However, during those years, people see and enjoy the benefits of the new patterns way before they are fully integrated. And you don’t have to work with me for years, although you are welcome to. Once you have some of the basics down, you will be able to implement and practice at home. Your current marriage issues have developed over the years. They don’t just appear one day. They have been brewing under the surface. Creating new patterns is sometimes similar; there is change happening under the surface, getting ready to emerge. So it will take some time to shift and change the patterns. This is the normal process of marriage.

How often do we meet?

The frequency of the sessions change based on what you need or desire. Often we begin with once per week. But some people’s schedules or personalities don’t allow for that, so we meet every other week. Once clients have established their new relationship patterns and things are going well, some still want to meet once per month or once a quarter. You always get to decide how often we meet.

How much do you charge?

Clients pay per session. I don’t require clients to pay for a “package” of sessions. This way, you decide how much you spend. You can choose to meet with me every week, twice a month, or once a month. I don’t publicly post my rates because many of my clients come through referrals from my previous clients, and privacy is important. I provide full transparency about my rates after we meet on a consult call.

I don’t know your budget, but I do know the emotional and financial cost of a miserable marriage or a divorce. Both are very expensive in a multitude of ways.

When, where, and how do we have our sessions?

I work with clients Tuesday through Saturday. We meet on Zoom. I am in the Pacific Time Zone in the USA.

There will be a point in the future when I offer to meet with couples for two consecutive days to provide immediate, intensive help. These two-day intensives would be in person. Feel free to contact me if you’re interested in hearing more about this.